The slow cooker is a friend to the meat lover. I was once like you. I considered the crock pot to be the right hand of the old crone. There was a time in my life where it would not have shocked me to see that gypsy witch from Drag Me To Hell slinging a slow cooker around her head like a goddamn morning star. It just seemed like a dated way to cook things. Well I was wrong and it takes an overweight man to admit he was wrong.
There is nothing easier than preparing a pork shoulder in a slow cooker and I’m going to tell you how to do that right here. Not only that, but I’ll give you a twist to tantalize your nostrils and your taste buds. Here is what you need:
1) A large, boneless pork shoulder. I don’t know the size, so don’t ask. You want a big enough hunk of pig so that “cramming” becomes necessary to get it into the pot. If you can support a local butcher when purchasing the meat, always do that.
2) A rub of your choice. For the purposes of this recipe, and fitting with my general taste I prefer my pork to have a kick to it. I suggest trying “Swamp Venom” from Dizzy Pig. That is, if you are not a pussy.
3) A yellow onion. Not white, not sweet. Not a snarky website.
4) 16-20 ounces of a cream soda of your choice. Who’s ready to get CRAZY!?
5) A dedicated love of meat and this fine nation of ours.
That’s it. Prepare to sing my praises…
Take your “big ass” (this is an exact measurement, I checked) pork shoulder and rub the shit out of it with the rub of your choosing. Be liberal. This is not some measly 4 ounce boneless/skinless chicken breast. Pork of this magnitude deserves to be treated appropriately. It’s tender, but it likes when you get a little rough with it at times. You see what I am alluding to here…
Dice the onion up as small as you can without sobbing like a small child that just tossed off a tire swing for the first time. Layer the bottom of the crock pot a portion of the onion, and then cram that shoulder into the slow cooker. Distribute the rest of the onion on the top and sides. Remember, you aren’t eating this onion, it is there for additional flavor.
Now dump in 12-16 ounces of the cream soda (depending on the size of the pot). Turn the heat on “high” for the first 2 hours. After that you can turn it down to “low.”
You should always put the shoulder in fat side up to start. Some people like to flip the sonbitch during the cooking process and some don’t. I personally don’t care either way. What you do in the comfort of your own home is up to you. If you want to add some more cream soda after a few hours, that is also acceptable. You don’t want to cook this thing for anything less than 6 hours. Once you yank it out of the pot, take two forks and begin pulling. It should separate VERY easily into the nice looking pork you see pictured above.
Once you have your tremendous pile of pulled pig, you can do one of two things. If you like your BBQ dry, throw it back into the cooker with the rest of your cream soda and let it cook on low for another hour or so. However, you also have the option of combining it with a bottle of your favorite BBQ sauce and letting it cook with THAT for an hour or so. The sky is the limit.
The end result? A house that smells like cream soda, and many servings of delicious pulled pork. You can put it on a bun or eat it like a man with nothing more than a plastic spork and a lone tear in your eye. It’s “Time for Swine.”
No need to kiss my ass, just buy a Beer and Pig coozie & we’ll call it even.
-Mr. Slow & Low