Bratwurst! They are not just to jam down the front of your pants anymore in an erotic display of sensuality.
The best thing about chili is you could throw an old boot into a pot with meat, tomato sauce and chili pepper and it would come out tasting like purple mountain majesty. Now imagine what will happen when you throw delicious meat into that pot instead of your boot!
I use the same, simple base for all my chili and I will give you that base now. Pay attention, you jagaloon:
1 can of tomato sauce
1 can of Miller Highlife (it IS the champagne of beers)
1 can of tomato paste
1 pound of lean, ground chuck (substitute ground turkey if your waste size begins in a 4 or 5)
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon chili powder
1 small, diced onion (let your own intolerance pick the color of the onion you prefer)
More, oh, so much more after the jump. Get to jumping. You’ll need to exercise after you eat all this damn chili…
That will never change. If the sun refused to shine or if the mountains fall into the sea, I will be using that base to craft bowls of chili. Bowls of chili that I won’t wait to cool down before I start dumping their contents down my throat and subsequently burning all the skin off the top of my mouth.
Next I will explain to you why I am a mad genius and you should sell me your women. Your daughters, your wife, your little girls. Sell them to me, after I give you the rest of the ingredients you will need:
1 bottle of spicy ketchup (I used the one pictured to the left)
1 teaspoon of chipotle powder
1 pound of bratwurst (you can substitute chicken or turkey bratwurst if you have perspiration issues)
1 teaspoon of the spicy rub of your choice (again, I recommend “Swamp Venom” by Dizzy Pig)
And Here is where it gets a little weird…
Ask your butcher to peal off the casings for the sausages before you take them home. This will leave you with one pound of ground brat. Mash that together with your one pound of ground chuck and you have two pounds of delicious dead animal.
Throw this in a skillet and brown all of it. It’s a lot of meat so you might have to do it in two batches. Once you’re done, heave the meat in a big pot and add the rest of your ingredients. Stir, heat and cover. I like to cook the chili hot to start and end the process simmering. Most chili recipes I see call for 45 minutes to an hour on the stove. I like to let mine go for about an hour and fifteen minutes to let all the seasoning and onions dissolve.
You can serve with rice or spaghetti noodles, just not in my house. We want chili, not filler. You bring filler in The Dukes Star and we’re going round and round.
-Mr. Slow and Low