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Aug 23 2013
Easy Spicy Sausage Dip

Usually while I’m sitting around waiting for whatever slab of animal product I have sprawled out on the grill to cook to perfection, I am engaged in an abundance of activities. Activities that usually involve a combination of drinking something with an ABV, day dreaming about future denim purchases, yelling at neighborhood children and eating. Yes, eating. Why would I eat while waiting to eat? Did you really just ask yourself that? If so, do all of us a favor and head over to Pinterest and look at pictures of crafts cause this obviously isn’t the place for you.

Of course, I could just sit back, relax and breathe in the aura of natures being like an every day Joe, but I can’t. I just can’t! The whole notion of a “lazy Sunday” is not something I follow. I need to be in the thick of things. Runnin’ around in foliage, belting out lyrics to songs with washboards and gettin’ elbow deep in appetizers. Fist-fulls of decadent appetizers! And there is no better app than one that is not only easy as shit to put together…but one that’s chock full of pork and God damned cheese!


Us fellas get a bad wrap. If you don’t believe me, then just turn on your television and wait a minute. People assume when we say we are bringing a dip to an event that we’re most likely showing up with either a jar of Tostitos queso or a can of Fritos French onion dip. While I would happily take both of those and coat my entire body in their splendor, I demand a bit more reverence, and you should too! So lets get you all set up to WOW the crowd without taking a shit load of time away from your day.

What you’ll need: 

  • 1lb. “regular” seasoned sausage
  • 1lb. “hot” seasoned sausage
  • 2 8oz. packs of cream cheese
  • 2 cans of Ro*Tel
  • 1 bag of tortilla chips
  • 1 bag Frito scoops
  • 3 beers

Grab a large sauté pan and toss it onto your stove. While you wait for that sumbitch to heat up, open one of the beers you have on hand and drink the entire thing, without pause, while pelvic thrusting around the first floor of your house. By now, the pan should be at the prime temp for porkin’.

Take both tubes of that tightly packed pig and purge those bastards into the pan. Mash ’em, mix ’em, shred ’em, whatever, and just break them out of their cylindrical shape for easy cookin. Once the meat is browned, shiny and smelling like angels do your very best to not mount the pan missionary style. Instead, knock the heat back on the range, drain all of the accumulated grease from your cooking sarcophagus and return it to the stove.

Now, snatch up one of your other beers, open ‘er up and pound the ever-living hell out of it as if you were Dusty Bottoms in the middle of the desert. Next, tear open the cream cheese bricks, sling ’em onto your sausage mountain and crank up  the heat to med-high. As the cheese starts to soften, unfurl those two cans of Ro*Tel and unload their bounties into the mix.

If you are unfamiliar with Ro*Tel, don’t fret because you aren’t alone. Hell, I didn’t know what it was until about a year ago. Just have a gander in the “International Foods” section of your local grocer. All I will say is that if you see shelves crammed with Goya products and this guy perusing the tortillas, you’re definitely in the right spot.

Anyways, mix everything all together, cover it with a lid and let the blend simmer a bit. Once piping hot, eject the dip into a bowl and dig in with both tortilla chips and Frito scoops. If you have neither, just bury your face in it and eat as much as you can before your oxygen depletes and you’re carried off into a swine and cheese slumber in the heavens.

There you have it. A dip that you can make for any occasion, with very little ingredients and very little invested time. Take that last beer, pour it down an oil funnel straight into your gullet and welcome the embrace of your nearby compadres. You’ve earned it.

One Response to “Easy Spicy Sausage Dip”

  1. haBEERnd says:

    Thanks for the great recipe and amazingly descriptive directions. What is it called when one has sex with food.

    Cheers, Dukes!